- F:
- Did you read my new play?
- M:
- A new one? Did you give me a copy?
- F:
- No. I just thought you might have seen it.
- M:
- I might have. It might have been talked over -- what's it about?
- F:
- It's complicated.
- M:
- How many characters?
- F:
- Two, usually. Same old, same old. A boy and a girl.
- M:
- Am I in it?
- F:
- Why does everyone ask me that?
- M:
- Can I have a copy?
- F:
- Which version would you like?
- M:
- The first.
- F:
- Not the latest?
- M:
- The first. Principle of antecedence.
- F:
- What?
- M:
- The three rules of decision-making: sinistrality, antecedence,
and precedence.
- F:
- I'm not sure I follow.
- M:
- Just pick the rule that applies, and your decision is made.
Sinistrality: pick the choice on the left. Antecedence: pick the one
that is earliest in time. Precedence: pick the first in alphabetical
order.
- F:
- And only one rule will apply.
- M:
- Usually. In cases of dire emergency -- or whenever you feel
like it - you can apply the contradiction principle and pick the
opposite.
- F:
- Makes sense.
- M:
- That's how I manage to avoid taking the bus everywhere. I prefer
to travel by train.
- F:
- Can I write that into the play?
- M:
- It's already in there.
- F:
- So it is. Okay. Here's version one. Shall we read parts?
- M:
- I'll read the men.
- F:
- And I'll read the women's parts. Go ahead. You've got the first
line.
- M:
- [Reading.] I've been working on a new screenplay.
- F:
- I should explain.
- M:
- That's not your line.
- F:
- The play's about...
- M:
- Just let me read it. You can explain later.
- F:
- Okay. From the top?
- M:
- [Reading.] I've been working on a screenplay.
- F:
- [Reading.] What's it about?
- M:
- [Reading.] Oh, a trifle. A girl wants to tell a guy something, but she
can't.
- F:
- [Reading.] So what does she do?
- M:
- She writes a novel and gives it to him as a gift.
- F:
- And the novel's about the thing she wants to say?
- M:
- In a way. It's about trying to say it.
- F:
- The book reflects the reality.
- M:
- Poorly. Details change.
- F:
- Like what?
- M:
- The genders of all the characters are reversed, for starters.
- F:
- But otherwise they're the same people?
- M:
- Almost. In the novel he's a dancer.
- F:
- And instead of writing a novel to her, he dances?
- M:
- More or less. The dance is about the same sorts of things.
- F:
- The attempt to communicate?
- M:
- Changed a bit. It features a pair of star-crossed lovers who can
only communicate by mail.
- F:
- What do they write about?
- M:
- I told you. The snake eats its tail.
- F:
- What do snakes have to do with it?
- M:
- Just read this. I explain it there.
- F:
- I read the female part?
- M:
- Right. Ready?
- F:
- You have the first line.
- M:
- Skip to... there. The long shot of the two protagonists in a
field of wild flowers, at sunset.
- F:
- A bit cliché.
- M:
- Shall I continue?
- F:
- Go on.
- M:
- [Reading.] ``The snake eats its tail?''
- F:
- [Reading.] ``Imagine a long line of snakes, sun-bathing on a flat rock.
Snake-eating snakes.'' The dialog seems rather wooden.
- M:
- The novel that she writes is more eloquent.
- F:
- They're in a field discussing this?
- M:
- Well, actually I was hoping for a rather surreal snake sequence
to fade in over the dialogue. All the snakes start to slither forward
to eat the snake in front of them.
- F:
- The first snake starves?
- M:
- The line of snakes curves slightly, and as the camera dollies out
we see that the snakes form a huge circle...
- F:
- So the first snake's eating the last.
- M:
- Of course the snakes are really a metaphor.
- F:
- The futility of it all, right?
- M:
- The futility of communication.
- F:
- Or attempts to communicate.
- M:
- Her novel doesn't really treat this in depth, though. It gets
rather lost in descriptions of the protagonist's dances.
- F:
- The dance about the emailing lovers?
- M:
- They're emailing each other portions of Hamlet, more or less.
- F:
- The inability to act?
- M:
- A close parallel to the inability to speak.
- F:
- Wait a second. Are all the snakes identical?
- M:
- In the snake circle sequence?
- F:
- Yes.
- M:
- No.
- F:
- I suspected as much. They change slightly from one to the next.
- M:
- And the dancer's emailers aren't really writing Hamlet. Not
yet. That happens several stories down.
- F:
- I'm beginning to see.
- M:
- And even then, it's still not exactly Hamlet.
- F:
- It's not?
- M:
- Polonius is named Ralph.
- F:
- Why?
- M:
- It's more probable that way.
- F:
- More probable that Shakespeare named Ophelia's father Ralph?
- M:
- No. More probable to appear in this play that way.
- F:
- I'm confused.
- M:
- You've heard of the infinite monkeys?
- F:
- ``If a million monkeys banged a million typewriters endlessly,
eventually one of them would type out Hamlet''?
- M:
- Well, it turns out that the monkeys will finish a lot faster if
we allow them to make a few mistakes.
- F:
- Ralph is a mistake.
- M:
- Of course we can't specify exactly which mistake the
monkeys may make, or the whole scenario is just as improbable.
- F:
- But Ralph? For Polonius? Isn't that rather unlikely?
- M:
- All the mistakes are unlikely. That's the point. Taken
together...
- F:
- No, I mean Ralph-Polonius in particular. Polo. Ralph Lauren.
Don't you think the fashion designer substitution is a far-fetched
coincidence?
- M:
- They all are.
- F:
- But there's an infinite number of them.
- M:
- So they're all in the end likely to come up.
The dancer's emailers actually construct a puppet play.
- F:
- But what's it all about? I mean, taken together, all the plots
and sub-plots? Or does everything just diverge into meaninglessness?
- M:
- Even if they did, it would be a statement of some kind, don't you
think?
[Stops reading.] That's it? That's the end of the play?
- F:
- That's where the lines end, at least. The sequence doesn't end
there, of course.
- M:
- You mean the snake chain?
- F:
- The snake circle. A circle has no ends. Even you and I
fit into the ring at a certain point as the story races around and
around.
- M:
- But why change it at every telling? Why not just say what you
mean?
- F:
- It's easier to write in the abstract. Easier to write if you
don't have reality as a yardstick.
- M:
- But your point gets blurred with all the repetition.
- F:
- Broadened, maybe. But it's all the same story.
My story. My opportunity lost. My desire not to leave the unsaid
unspoken.
- M:
- You're still not coming clean with me.
- F:
- I wonder if I'd prefer a different version of this story. One a
level up. Or down. What if I wrote about the story two levels
removed from this? Or three? What if I added permutations?
Middle-men. Intermediaries. A third-party. A rival. A lavender
hippopotamus to munch on leaves and belch.
- M:
- A surrealist who interjects random nonsense. An omniscient
author.
- F:
- A reality all this corresponds to.
- M:
- I think you'll find it already written.
- F:
- In one of the variations?
- M:
- Perhaps.