1 cananian 1.1 % -*-latex-*- Tell Emacs that this is a LaTeX document. 2 cananian 1.24 % $Id: crush.tex,v 1.24 2000/03/11 18:27:57 cananian Exp $ 3 cananian 1.1 %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% 4 cananian 1.1 5 cananian 1.3 \documentclass[11pt,titlepage]{article} 6 cananian 1.3 \usepackage[pdf,newpage]{script} 7 cananian 1.6 \author{C.~Scott~Ananian\\ 8 cananian 1.6 \small\texttt{cananian@mit.edu} 9 cananian 1.6 \and 10 cananian 1.6 Whitney Erin Boesel\\ 11 cananian 1.6 \small\texttt{loxocele@mit.edu}} 12 cananian 1.1 \title{\textsc{Crush}} 13 cananian 1.24 \date{$ $Revision: 1.24 $ $} 14 cananian 1.1 15 cananian 1.1 % Characters 16 cananian 1.11 \newcommand{\Cs}{Riley}\newcommand{\Cscutsy}{Rye} 17 cananian 1.11 \newcommand{\Web}{Molly} 18 cananian 1.11 \newcommand{\Ab}{Gale} 19 cananian 1.11 \newcommand{\Ca}{Liz} 20 cananian 1.11 \newcommand{\Cb}{Andrew} 21 cananian 1.11 \character{CS}{cs}{\Cs}[The protagonist. Male.] 22 cananian 1.11 \character{WEB}{web}{\Web}[An antagonist. Female. Bitch-ass. 23 cananian 1.6 Dresses all in black. Somewhere between 15 and 35.] 24 cananian 1.11 \character{AB}{ab}{\Ab}[Another antagonist. Also female. Wishes she 25 cananian 1.6 were more like \WEB.] 26 cananian 1.11 \character{CA}{ca}{\Ca}[An obsessive antagonist. Of course, female.] 27 cananian 1.11 \character{CB}{cb}{\Cb}[The cello-boy. ``Involved'' with \WEB.] 28 cananian 1.1 29 cananian 1.7 % random mark-up 30 cananian 1.7 \newcommand{\onestar}{$^{*}$} 31 cananian 1.7 \newcommand{\twostar}{$^{**}$} 32 cananian 1.7 33 cananian 1.1 \begin{document} 34 cananian 1.3 \maketitle % first title page 35 cananian 1.3 \begin{titlepage} % second title page 36 cananian 1.3 \vspace*{1in} 37 cananian 1.3 \begin{center} 38 cananian 1.3 {\Huge\textsc{Crush}}\\ 39 cananian 1.3 \vspace*{.25in} 40 cananian 1.21 a play in nine scenes \\ 41 cananian 1.16 for five actors 42 cananian 1.3 \end{center} 43 cananian 1.3 \vspace*{1.5in} 44 cananian 1.3 \characterlist 45 cananian 1.3 \end{titlepage} 46 cananian 1.1 47 cananian 1.2 \firstscene{Scene I} % whitney-scott 48 cananian 1.1 49 cananian 1.2 \stagedir{\CS and \WEB are in a diner. It is 2am.} 50 cananian 1.2 \cs I've got a crush on you, you know. 51 cananian 1.2 \web A crush? 52 cananian 1.2 \cs Yeah, sure. It bother you? 53 cananian 1.13 \web Not really\ldots I never figured you for the type, that's all. 54 cananian 1.2 \cs Oh, this isn't a giggly schoolgirl crush. 55 cananian 1.23 \web You sure? Because you really look like a giggly schoolgirl\ldots 56 cananian 1.13 \cs Yeah, yeah. It's more a pleasant obsession. A 23-year-old grad 57 cananian 1.5 student crush, if you will. 58 cananian 1.5 \web In other words you're saying you like me. 59 cananian 1.2 \cs Yes. Crush (noun): an irrational liking for many sufficient but 60 cananian 1.2 no particular good reason. 61 cananian 1.5 \web Ah, one of those asexual crushes. 62 cananian 1.2 \cs Oh course. I had my gonads surgically removed years ago. 63 cananian 1.2 \web Uh-huh. 64 cananian 1.2 \cs Ok, so perhaps I need to amend my definition. Crush (noun): 65 cananian 1.2 \ldots 66 cananian 1.2 \web \textit{Your} crush (noun):\ldots 67 cananian 1.2 \cs Right. Ok. \textit{My} crush (noun) has far too much of the face 68 cananian 1.2 and eyes in it to be properly hormonally-neutral. 69 cananian 1.2 \web You like my eyes. 70 cananian 1.2 \cs You don't write long stories about someone's eye-color unless the 71 cananian 1.13 limbic system's involved. At least somehow. 72 cananian 1.5 \web And you did? 73 cananian 1.2 \cs Write the story? Yes. 74 cananian 1.2 \web Do I get to read it? 75 cananian 1.2 \cs No. Not yet. 76 cananian 1.2 \web Why not? 77 cananian 1.2 \cs I'm afraid you'll think I've got a crush on you. 78 cananian 1.2 \web Ah. 79 cananian 1.2 \cs When you've got the notary public's Relationship Avowal in hand from 80 cananian 1.13 cello-boy, whatever his name is\ldots 81 cananian 1.13 \web \Cb. 82 cananian 1.13 \cs Cello-boy, \textit{whatever} his name is, \textit{then}\ldots 83 cananian 1.13 \web Well, I guess it's kinda implied now\ldots since we sort of hit 84 cananian 1.5 the ``hard-core monogamy'' threshold last night. 85 cananian 1.2 \cs Just the threshold? No firm promises? Under moonlight, over 86 cananian 1.2 dinner? 87 cananian 1.13 \web \inlinesd{Grins.} In bed. Maybe we'll get around to talking 88 cananian 1.13 about it next time\ldots 89 cananian 1.13 and you know, I \textit{did} have the most intense and drawn-out 90 cananian 1.13 two-person orgasm of my \textit{life} last night. \inlinesd{Sighs 91 cananian 1.13 happily.} I think he's rather fond of me. 92 cananian 1.2 \cs Yeah, yeah, so this isn't the jealous-crush-thing. That I've got 93 cananian 1.2 going, I mean. That's a schoolgirl thing. 94 cananian 1.2 \web No romantic mooning over me? 95 cananian 1.2 \cs Also schoolgirl. 96 cananian 1.5 \web No flowers from a secret admirer? 97 cananian 1.3 \cs Schoolgirl. 98 cananian 1.2 \web Not even a wet dream? 99 cananian 1.13 \cs \inlinesd{Beat.} Teenage boy. 100 cananian 1.13 \web I've got an freckle-archipelago under my navel\ldots 101 cananian 1.13 \cs Which archipelago? 102 cananian 1.21 \web \inlinesd{Pauses, thinking; sarcastically:} The Gulag Archepelago. 103 cananian 1.13 \inlinesd{Sticks out tongue.} 104 cananian 1.2 \cs You do not. 105 cananian 1.13 \web Wanna see? \inlinesd{Lifts up her shirt; embarassed, he turns 106 cananian 1.13 away, but sneaks a glance out of the corner of his eye.} 107 cananian 1.13 \web \inlinesd{With mock annoyance:} I don't even rank as a sexual fantasy? 108 cananian 1.21 \cs 'Fraid not. Just your ordinary 109 cananian 1.2 ``nothing-can-make-a-man-rearrange-his-appointments-like-a-girl-with-enchanting-eyes''-type 110 cananian 1.2 dealie. Along with just the hint of a desire to wear things you've 111 cananian 1.13 publically remarked you find sexy, which, so far, I've been able to 112 cananian 1.2 resist. 113 cananian 1.2 \web So, just cheekbones and eyes? 114 cananian 1.2 \cs The face. Very nice. 115 cananian 1.2 \web You don't like my hips. 116 cananian 1.5 \cs It's not\ldots 117 cananian 1.5 \web You know, some people find curves attractive. 118 cananian 1.5 \cs \ldots what \textit{I} find attractive. 119 cananian 1.2 \web And that is? 120 cananian 1.2 \cs The bit that I find irresistable? 121 cananian 1.2 \web The secret to your obsession. 122 cananian 1.2 \cs I don't think I'm going to say. 123 cananian 1.5 \web Oh c'mon. 124 cananian 1.2 \cs You won't want to hear it. 125 cananian 1.2 \web Some kinky sexual thing? 126 cananian 1.2 \cs No. I'll tell you later. 127 cananian 1.2 \web No you won't. 128 cananian 1.2 \cs You're right. I probably won't. 129 cananian 1.13 \stagedir{Black out.} 130 cananian 1.2 131 cananian 1.2 \scene{Scene II} % scott-abby 132 cananian 1.2 133 cananian 1.3 \stagedir{\CS is sitting on a park bench, reading some papers for 134 cananian 1.3 work. He interrupts himself, looks at his watch. It's time for him 135 cananian 1.3 to go: he has a meeting very soon. He gathers his papers and gets 136 cananian 1.3 up; just at that moment \AB skates by, wearing headphones. \CS 137 cananian 1.3 watches her glide past.} 138 cananian 1.2 \cs \inlinesd{Softly.} I've got a crush on you, you know. 139 cananian 1.2 \ab What? \inlinesd{Taking headphones off.} 140 cananian 1.3 \cs Hey. \inlinesd{Beat.} I haven't seen you for ages. 141 cananian 1.3 \ab What are you doing? 142 cananian 1.3 \cs I've got a meeting\ldots 143 cananian 1.3 \ab You're sitting here with me. 144 cananian 1.21 \cs \inlinesd{Sits back down.} I am. Indeed. 145 cananian 1.3 146 cananian 1.3 \inlinesd{Long beat.} 147 cananian 1.3 148 cananian 1.3 It's been a long time. 149 cananian 1.3 \ab What have you been up to? 150 cananian 1.21 \cs Well\ldots \inlinesd{Thinks of something:} I ran into a good friend 151 cananian 1.3 the other day. Who I hadn't seen in for\textit{ever}. On Memorial 152 cananian 1.3 Drive, by the Charles. 153 cananian 1.3 \ab So right around here. 154 cananian 1.3 \cs Right by here. I had my nose in some papers and almost didn't see 155 cananian 1.3 her as she went skating past. 156 cananian 1.3 \ab She was skating? 157 cananian 1.3 \cs Yes, she was. She asked me what I was doing, and I actually was 158 cananian 1.3 about to leave for a meeting, but she told me I was sitting there with 159 cananian 1.3 her for a while, so I did. 160 cananian 1.3 \ab \inlinesd{Catching on.} She felt really lame for\ldots I've been 161 cananian 1.3 meaning to hang out with you for months but I've been busy being 162 cananian 1.3 someone else. 163 cananian 1.3 \cs That's exactly what she said. \inlinesd{\AB gives him a look.} 164 cananian 1.3 Was it fun? 165 cananian 1.3 \ab Being someone else? Yes, it was. 166 cananian 1.3 \cs Who exactly were you being? Did you like being\ldots 167 cananian 1.3 \ab In a play. 168 cananian 1.3 \cs Oh. \textit{Oh.} 169 cananian 1.3 \ab It's going well. The two directors are lovers, we think. 170 cananian 1.3 \cs That sounds fun. Is it a good show? 171 cananian 1.3 \ab \inlinesd{Slight pause.} It's not as good as the one you and I 172 cananian 1.3 did. But it's better than the last one you lit. 173 cananian 1.3 \cs Ok. I'll have to come see it, then. 174 cananian 1.3 \ab I'm writing a play about you. 175 cananian 1.3 \cs Really? The same one, from before? 176 cananian 1.21 \ab I don't think it's going to be finished for a while. 177 cananian 1.5 \cs You should get a giant purple hippopotamus. 178 cananian 1.5 \ab What? 179 cananian 1.21 \cs My muse. It's a giant hippopotamus---works wonders, really\ldots 180 cananian 1.23 \ab Anyway, my playwriting class likes it. 181 cananian 1.3 \cs That's cool. \inlinesd{Grins.} They didn't like the one 182 cananian 1.3 \textit{I} wrote about \textit{you}, last year. 183 cananian 1.3 \stagedir{Long pause. They look at each other.} 184 cananian 1.3 \ab It's been a long time. 185 cananian 1.3 \cs Yes. It has. 186 cananian 1.3 \ab I\ldots I don't know why it's been so long. 187 cananian 1.3 188 cananian 1.3 \inlinesd{Sincerely.} I'm glad I ran into you today. 189 cananian 1.23 \cs I've been trying hard not to pester you with invitations to go to all sorts 190 cananian 1.3 of plays and see things and whatnot. I mean, I know you're busy. 191 cananian 1.3 \stagedir{An awkward pause.} 192 cananian 1.3 193 cananian 1.3 \ab \inlinesd{Suddenly.} You want to catch ducks on the Commons, herd 194 cananian 1.3 them into the T, and then take them to Alewife? 195 cananian 1.21 \cs You've got to ask that today---\textit{now}. I'm really supposed 196 cananian 1.3 to be at a meeting right now. My advisor's going to kill me. 197 cananian 1.3 \ab You suck. 198 cananian 1.3 \cs In a half-an-hour? 199 cananian 1.3 \ab I've got rehearsal soon. 200 cananian 1.3 \cs Any other day\ldots 201 cananian 1.3 \ab You should come to the cast party. 202 cananian 1.3 \cs Your cast hates me. 203 cananian 1.3 \ab I don't think that's true. 204 cananian 1.3 \cs I've been spending too much time doing theater for money. 205 cananian 1.4 \ab And too little time doing our shows. 206 cananian 1.4 207 cananian 1.4 After spring break, then. 208 cananian 1.3 \cs That long? 209 cananian 1.21 \ab \inlinesd{Justifying. Very rational:} We open this weekend and 210 cananian 1.21 run for two weeks, and spring break's right after. 211 cananian 1.3 \cs Oh. 212 cananian 1.3 \ab After spring break. We'll screw with reality. Shake on it? 213 cananian 1.3 \cs You know\ldots \inlinesd{Looks up.} 214 cananian 1.3 215 cananian 1.3 Just drop me an email. You can say so whenever and I'll drop 216 cananian 1.3 everything I'm doing to hang with you. 217 cananian 1.3 218 cananian 1.3 \stagedir{A pause.} 219 cananian 1.3 220 cananian 1.3 \ab That's the sweetest thing anyone's said\ldots 221 cananian 1.3 \cs Hell, I'm doing so right now. 222 cananian 1.3 223 cananian 1.3 \stagedir{Another feathered pause.} 224 cananian 1.3 225 cananian 1.3 \ab I'm going to hug you. Just for that. 226 cananian 1.3 227 cananian 1.3 \stagedir{They do so; an awkward embrace that lasts for much longer 228 cananian 1.3 than a ``casual'' hug ought. After a moment, they resettle, her 229 cananian 1.3 nestling her head on his shoulder and he burying his face in her long 230 cananian 1.3 hair. \AB sniffs loudly, twice, to control the tears in her eyes. 231 cananian 1.3 Another long moment passes before they slowly untangle themselves and 232 cananian 1.3 straighten their composure. This hug was not meant to leave them so 233 cananian 1.3 bare.} 234 cananian 1.3 235 cananian 1.3 \stagedir{They stand looking at each other.} 236 cananian 1.3 237 cananian 1.3 \ab So. \inlinesd{Her voice is husky.} 238 cananian 1.3 239 cananian 1.3 \stagedir{\AB has wet eyes, but she's controlling herself. She 240 cananian 1.3 sniffles again. \CS brushes her cheek, at the place where her 241 cananian 1.3 tear-she-won't-let-fall would be. They smile.} 242 cananian 1.3 243 cananian 1.21 \ab So. After spring break. \inlinesd{Her voice cracks a bit, but 244 cananian 1.3 strengthens.} After spring break, you and I. We'll screw with 245 cananian 1.3 reality. Shake on it. \inlinesd{Puts out her hand.} 246 cananian 1.3 247 cananian 1.3 \stagedir{They shake.} 248 cananian 1.3 249 cananian 1.3 \cs After spring break. 250 cananian 1.3 251 cananian 1.3 \stagedir{He looks at his watch. Lights out.} 252 cananian 1.2 253 cananian 1.2 \scene{Scene III} % whitney-scott 254 cananian 1.2 255 cananian 1.21 \stagedir{\WEB and \CS. In a crowded IHOP. They talk loudly, and 256 cananian 1.21 people overhear. Some leave. Some stare. These other people aren't 257 cananian 1.21 actually on stage.} 258 cananian 1.2 \cs I've got a crush on you, you know. 259 cananian 1.2 \web Do you have to start \textit{every} conversation like that? 260 cananian 1.2 \cs You ever wake up in the morning just wanting to stick your dick 261 cananian 1.2 into something? 262 cananian 1.6 \web I think I prefered the statement to the question. 263 cananian 1.4 \cs I guess you wouldn't really know about the dick thing. 264 cananian 1.5 \web No, \textit{I} wake up in the morning and reach for my vibrator. 265 cananian 1.5 \cs Did I really want to know? 266 cananian 1.21 \web \inlinesd{Grins widely.} It's a Hitatchi. 267 cananian 1.5 \cs Great. 268 cananian 1.5 \web I have one shaped like a rabbit too. And a snake one from 269 cananian 1.5 Japan\ldots there's a reason snakes are considered phallic symbols. 270 cananian 1.10 \cs Is \textit{that} why you bought your python? 271 cananian 1.6 \web She makes a good trip-toy. 272 cananian 1.6 \cs There's the whole connotation-of-evil and fall-from-grace 273 cananian 1.4 thing going on, too. 274 cananian 1.6 \web Oh, \textit{I've} got pictures of a fall from grace. 275 cananian 1.4 \cs \textit{You} took pictures? 276 cananian 1.4 \web Pictures were taken. 277 cananian 1.4 \cs Ah. A bit tricky the other way. 278 cananian 1.5 \web It can be done. Ever heard of ``dildo-cam?'' 279 cananian 1.4 \cs But it's not as much fun. 280 cananian 1.4 \web And how would you know? 281 cananian 1.4 \cs I've been told. 282 cananian 1.4 \web \inlinesd{Beat} You don't ever really \textit{fuck}, do you? 283 cananian 1.4 \cs \inlinesd{Beat} I'd be terrified. 284 cananian 1.21 \web But you're perfectly comfortable making snide comments about 285 cananian 1.21 other people---what was the word? Schtupping. 286 cananian 1.21 \cs Not that again. Look, I \textit{said} I was sorry. 287 cananian 1.21 \web It's just because you can't picture \textit{us} ever making love. 288 cananian 1.4 \cs No. 289 cananian 1.21 \web Well, I can't, either. It would be way too weird. 290 cananian 1.4 \cs I'd be scared to death. It wouldn't be fun. 291 cananian 1.21 \web \inlinesd{Semi-derisively:} 292 cananian 1.21 You don't seem like the whips-and-handcuffs type. 293 cananian 1.5 \cs Oh god. 294 cananian 1.5 \web Rope? Wax? 295 cananian 1.5 \cs \inlinesd{desparately} Fucking \textit{cuddling}! I'm so fucking 296 cananian 1.5 \textit{lonely}. I just want someone to \textit{love} me. To wake up 297 cananian 1.5 in the morning and be glad it's \textit{my} face they're looking at, 298 cananian 1.6 \textit{my} lips they can't wait to kiss. The 299 cananian 1.6 stick-your-dick-in-things I can deal 300 cananian 1.5 with. Cold showers and all that\ldots 301 cananian 1.4 \web And other things. 302 cananian 1.4 \cs Hey, keep it safe for the kiddies. We're not going to talk about 303 cananian 1.4 masturbation here. 304 cananian 1.4 \web Right. No mention at all. 305 cananian 1.4 \cs Nope. Not one. 306 cananian 1.4 \web But it's spring time and your most steady date is with your hand. 307 cananian 1.4 \cs That's mean. No, my most steady date is with \textit{you}. 308 cananian 1.6 \web Who has an \inlinesd{searches for a word} involvement\ldots and 309 cananian 1.6 whom you couldn't even imagine fucking. 310 cananian 1.4 \cs What can I say? I'm fucked. 311 cananian 1.4 \web Not fucked. 312 cananian 1.4 \cs Right. That's my problem. 313 cananian 1.4 \web You need to get laid. 314 cananian 1.23 \cs No, it's not just that. Really. Sexual tension I can deal with. 315 cananian 1.4 \web This is not a mention of masturbation. 316 cananian 1.4 \cs I want to be \textit{loved}. That sounds so god-damn trite. 317 cananian 1.12 \web And you're pinning all your hopes on the eluive Ms. \Ab. 318 cananian 1.12 \cs Yes. But no. \Ca\ called today. 319 cananian 1.21 \web \inlinesd{Thinking evil thoughts of exploitative sex:} Oh really? 320 cananian 1.4 \cs I'm thinking of telling her she can fly up here for spring break. 321 cananian 1.21 From Trinidad. 322 cananian 1.21 \web Oh, \textit{there's} a good idea. That won't encourage her in the least. 323 cananian 1.21 \cs She called, right? What do you think the first thing I said to 324 cananian 1.4 her was? 325 cananian 1.4 \web I've got a crush on you, you know. 326 cananian 1.4 \cs No, actually -- she said that to \textit{me}. 327 cananian 1.21 \stagedir{Cross-fade to next scene: flashback.} 328 cananian 1.2 329 cananian 1.4 \scene{Scene IV} % cathy-scott 330 cananian 1.2 331 cananian 1.23 \stagedir{A phone conversation. \CA (SL) and \CS (SR). \WEB is behind \CS, 332 cananian 1.23 but the lighting is just on \CA and \CS.} 333 cananian 1.4 \ca I've got a crush on you, you know. 334 cananian 1.6 \cs Yeah, I know. 335 cananian 1.5 \ca You do? 336 cananian 1.5 \cs Yeah. 337 cananian 1.5 \ca Really? 338 cananian 1.5 \cs Really. 339 cananian 1.5 \ca So you'll\ldots 340 cananian 1.21 \cs No, I \textit{won't} move to the Caribbean with you and raise ten 341 cananian 1.5 kids. 342 cananian 1.21 \ca What if we only had eight? 343 cananian 1.11 \cs It's really not a possibility \Ca. 344 cananian 1.11 \ca But we were meant for each other \Cs, don't you remember? 345 cananian 1.13 \cs Um\ldots 346 cananian 1.6 \ca It was the best night of my life. 347 cananian 1.6 \cs You mean--- 348 cananian 1.5 \ca The night we slept together. 349 cananian 1.5 \cs You can't be serious. 350 cananian 1.6 \ca But I am! I--- 351 cananian 1.23 \cs You were drunk, and we didn't finish. 352 cananian 1.5 \ca I came! I came so hard! 353 cananian 1.5 \cs You were faking it! 354 cananian 1.5 \ca It was so wonderful! 355 cananian 1.6 \cs You bruised my ribs when you sat on top of me. 356 cananian 1.5 \ca You were so good! So \textit{big}! 357 cananian 1.6 \cs I couldn't tell the clitoris from the epiglottis. 358 cananian 1.6 \ca It was the best I ever had! 359 cananian 1.21 \cs You threw up all over me. \inlinesd{Pause.} And my room smelled for 360 cananian 1.5 days. 361 cananian 1.5 \ca We should try again. You and me. We could make it work this time. 362 cananian 1.6 \cs What do you mean \textit{this} time, there was never a 363 cananian 1.5 \textit{last} time. 364 cananian 1.5 \ca We went out all year! 365 cananian 1.5 \cs You mean you showed up on my doorstep whenever you were drunk 366 cananian 1.5 until you finally dropped out. 367 cananian 1.6 \ca We were just too busy to hang out a lot. 368 cananian 1.11 \cs \Ca \ldots 369 cananian 1.6 \ca We can make it work this time, I know we can. I \textit{love} you, 370 cananian 1.11 \Cscutsy. You're the only reason I get up in the morning. I dream every 371 cananian 1.5 night of waking up next to you, of counting each of your eyelashes, of 372 cananian 1.13 kissing the spaces between your toes one by one\ldots of doing all that 373 cananian 1.5 every morning, for the rest of my life\ldots 374 cananian 1.11 \cs \Ca? 375 cananian 1.5 \ca Yeah? 376 cananian 1.5 \cs I really have to get to bed. 377 cananian 1.11 \ca Alright\ldots I wish I could lay beside you, \Cscutsy\ldots 378 cananian 1.5 \cs Goodnight. 379 cananian 1.6 \ca I love you\ldots. Goodnight\ldots 380 cananian 1.12 \stagedir{A beat. \Cs\ hangs up.} 381 cananian 1.4 382 cananian 1.4 \scene{Scene V} % another awkward abby-scott scene? 383 cananian 1.21 \stagedir{\CS and \AB. They are sitting in the middle of the Harvard bridge, 384 cananian 1.21 late at night.} 385 cananian 1.2 386 cananian 1.2 \cs I've got a crush on you, you know. 387 cananian 1.2 \ab You're not serious. 388 cananian 1.11 \cs \inlinesd{Beat.} Why are we sitting in traffic, again? 389 cananian 1.11 \ab We're fucking with reality. 390 cananian 1.11 \cs Reality's going to fuck \textit{us} if this semi has its way. 391 cananian 1.21 \ab It's going to change lanes. 392 cananian 1.11 \cs I don't think so. 393 cananian 1.11 \ab Yes it will. 394 cananian 1.11 395 cananian 1.21 \inlinesd{They stare at the approaching semi. It changes lanes. A beat.} 396 cananian 1.11 397 cananian 1.11 I think I'm a lesbian. 398 cananian 1.11 \cs Um. 399 cananian 1.11 \ab I think I've got a crush on \Cb. 400 cananian 1.11 \cs ``Cello-boy''? 401 cananian 1.11 \ab Um, yeah. 402 cananian 1.11 \cs \Web's\ldots ``new friend''. 403 cananian 1.18 \ab \inlinesd{Sigh.} Yeah. 404 cananian 1.18 \cs But he's not a woman! 405 cananian 1.18 \ab I guess I'm bi. 406 cananian 1.18 \cs What a relief. 407 cananian 1.18 \ab But I'm really not very attracted to guys at the moment. 408 cananian 1.18 \cs But\ldots 409 cananian 1.18 \ab I actually feel like being alone. I like being alone. 410 cananian 1.18 \cs But--- 411 cananian 1.18 \ab Men are\ldots 412 cananian 1.18 \cs \inlinesd{Cutting her off:} But I love you! 413 cananian 1.18 \ab What? 414 cananian 1.18 \cs I love\ldots ewes. Sheep. 415 cananian 1.18 \ab That's really random. 416 cananian 1.21 \cs I thought you\ldots um, should know. 417 cananian 1.18 \ab This isn't one of those sick fetishes, is it? 418 cananian 1.18 \cs I\ldots 419 cananian 1.18 \ab That's not really \textit{you}. Why can't you just be yourself? 420 cananian 1.18 \cs Identity is a mutable construct. 421 cananian 1.18 \ab Whatever that means. 422 cananian 1.18 \cs This really isn't going well, is it. 423 cananian 1.18 \ab No, it's not. You suck. 424 cananian 1.18 \cs I. Um. 425 cananian 1.18 \ab I had a dream last night. 426 cananian 1.18 \cs I did, too. 427 cananian 1.19 \ab \Cb\ was in it. Cello-boy. 428 cananian 1.18 \cs You were in mine. 429 cananian 1.18 \ab He was standing in my doorway. And he said\ldots 430 cananian 1.18 \cs \inlinesd{Finishing her sentence, but meaning it himself:} I love 431 cananian 1.18 you. 432 cananian 1.18 \ab No. He said, ``You're the one for me. Only you. All those other 433 cananian 1.18 girls\ldots'' 434 cananian 1.18 \cs Other girls? 435 cananian 1.18 \ab He had a couple of random flings. Before he met me. 436 cananian 1.18 \cs And now he's fucking \Web. 437 cananian 1.18 \ab He said\ldots 438 cananian 1.18 \cs \ldots in the dream\ldots 439 cananian 1.18 \ab \ldots all those other girls aren't for him, that it was me and 440 cananian 1.18 only me. 441 cananian 1.18 \cs Ah. \inlinesd{Down.} And then wild sex. 442 cananian 1.18 \ab \inlinesd{Grins silently, inside herself.} 443 cananian 1.18 \cs I\ldots 444 cananian 1.18 \ab It's late. 445 cananian 1.18 \cs It's late. 446 cananian 1.18 \ab You should go. 447 cananian 1.18 \cs Um, \Ab\ldots 448 cananian 1.18 \ab Yes? 449 cananian 1.18 \cs Um. 450 cananian 1.18 \ab I've got class tomorrow. 451 cananian 1.18 \cs Do you ever feel\ldots 452 cananian 1.18 \ab Morning. 453 cananian 1.18 \cs \ldots\textit{lonely?} 454 cananian 1.18 \ab Yes. 455 cananian 1.18 456 cananian 1.18 \inlinesd{She looks at him.} 457 cananian 1.18 458 cananian 1.19 Damn. How long do you think the \Cb\ and \Web\ thing will last? 459 cananian 1.18 \cs A while, I'd guess. 460 cananian 1.18 \ab 'Cause if it wasn't \textit{him}, I'd be going for \textit{her}. 461 cananian 1.18 \cs \inlinesd{Not terribly sympathetic:} Yeah. That sucks, I guess. 462 cananian 1.18 \ab Ok. I gotta go. 463 cananian 1.18 \cs Bye. 464 cananian 1.18 \ab Bye. 465 cananian 1.18 \stagedir{She leaves.} 466 cananian 1.21 \cs \inlinesd{Calling after:} Hey--- \inlinesd{Pathetic:} I've got a 467 cananian 1.21 double but my roommate is away for the weekend\ldots 468 cananian 1.18 469 cananian 1.18 \stagedir{\CS sighs. Exits. Black out.} 470 cananian 1.2 471 cananian 1.7 \scene{Scene VI} % scott-cathy. 472 cananian 1.23 \stagedir{\CA and \CS, in \CS's apartment.} 473 cananian 1.7 \cs I've got a crush on you, you know. 474 cananian 1.7 \ca Really? 475 cananian 1.7 \cs No. 476 cananian 1.8 \ca You sure? 477 cananian 1.8 \cs Yes. 478 cananian 1.13 \ca Because, you know, that's why I came up here\ldots 479 cananian 1.13 \cs Yes, I do. You really shouldn't have come. 480 cananian 1.13 \ca I flew all the way from Trinidad. 481 cananian 1.13 \cs I know. 482 cananian 1.13 \ca \inlinesd{Removing her overalls, trying---and failing---to be 483 cananian 1.13 subtle.} It's really hot in here\ldots 484 cananian 1.8 \cs Put your overalls back on. 485 cananian 1.23 \ca The shirt's long enough! \inlinesd{It isn't. \Cs\ shakes his head.} 486 cananian 1.21 How can I not be hot 487 cananian 1.13 when you're around? \inlinesd{Saunters over to him, plays with his 488 cananian 1.13 fly; he moves away.} 489 cananian 1.13 \cs You're always hot. I'll open a window. You should go. 490 cananian 1.13 \inlinesd{He tries to exit to his bedroom.} 491 cananian 1.21 \ca I'm staying. \inlinesd{She tries to follow him.} 492 cananian 1.13 \cs If you're staying, you're staying on the \textit{couch}. 493 cananian 1.13 \inlinesd{He points.} 494 cananian 1.13 \ca I'm staying until I prove how right we are. 495 cananian 1.13 \cs Oh god. 496 cananian 1.13 \ca Then I'm heading home to Trinidad to get our new house ready. 497 cananian 1.13 \cs \textit{We} will never have a house \Ca. 498 cananian 1.8 \ca Sure we will---in the Caribbean, with the--- 499 cananian 1.8 \cs Ten kids, which we will \textit{also} never have! 500 cananian 1.13 \ca Come on, let's start one right now! \inlinesd{Heads for his fly 501 cananian 1.13 again.} 502 cananian 1.13 \cs No! \Ca, you don't get it, that's not what I \textit{want}! I want 503 cananian 1.8 someone to--- 504 cananian 1.11 \ca Love you! \textit{I} love you! You're my everything--- 505 cananian 1.11 \cs And you're my \textit{nothing}! Please \Ca, just go, just leave, 506 cananian 1.8 just\ldots 507 cananian 1.23 \ca Don't you ever just want to stick your dick into something? 508 cananian 1.13 \cs \inlinesd{Puzzled beat: how did she know? Sits.} Yes. But not 509 cananian 1.8 you. It's not right, it's not\ldots 510 cananian 1.11 \ca Sure it is, we'll make it right\ldots \textit{I'll} make it 511 cananian 1.13 right. Just give me a chance. Just let me show you\ldots \inlinesd{By 512 cananian 1.12 this time \Ca\ is kneeling in front of him, has been kissing down the 513 cananian 1.13 front of him, is now opening his fly as if to fellatiate\ldots} 514 cananian 1.13 \cs \inlinesd{In such a way that makes apparent the conflict between 515 cananian 1.23 his mind and his\ldots\ ``manhood.''} No\ldots no. Good. Night. \inlinesd{He 516 cananian 1.13 exits to bed; she follows.} \textit {No.} \inlinesd{He pushes her down 517 cananian 1.13 onto the couch.} \textit{You} sleep \textit{here}. \inlinesd{Exits.} 518 cananian 1.13 \ca \inlinesd{Calling after him:} I love you, \Cscutsy\ldots 519 cananian 1.7 520 cananian 1.7 \scene{Scene VII} % abby-whitney. Phone call. AB Worried about CS. 521 cananian 1.2 522 cananian 1.23 \stagedir{Lights up on what is apparently \WEB's bedroom. There is a 523 cananian 1.21 large bed, US, with two sleeping bodies in it. They are (SL) \WEB and 524 cananian 1.21 (SR) \CB. There is a chair UR, and a cello laying down on the floor 525 cananian 1.23 in front of it. The cello is half-covered with the clothing scattered 526 cananian 1.14 around the room, both male and 527 cananian 1.19 female, obviously strewn there in the heat of passion. The bow, 528 cananian 1.14 however, hangs from a bed-post---apparently having doubled as some 529 cananian 1.21 sort of kinky sex prop. The phone, on a nightstand SL of the bed, 530 cananian 1.19 begins to ring; \WEB, nearest, picks it up with a languid ``Enh?''} 531 cananian 1.14 532 cananian 1.2 \ab I'm totally obsessed with you. In fact, I think you could even 533 cananian 1.2 say\ldots 534 cananian 1.2 \web You've got a crush on me? 535 cananian 1.2 \ab How\ldots 536 cananian 1.2 \web It's become quite the thing to say. 537 cananian 1.20 \ab Oh. 538 cananian 1.20 \web It's all right. 539 cananian 1.20 \ab So, I suppose I don't have much of a chance, then, 540 cananian 1.20 huh. \inlinesd{Beat.} Not that I'm sure I want one. 541 cananian 1.20 \web Okaaay. 542 cananian 1.21 \ab I mean. \inlinesd{Beat.} I think I'm a lesbian. But maybe I'm 543 cananian 1.20 not. Maybe I'm bi. Maybe I just want to \textit{be} you. 544 cananian 1.21 \web Well then masturbating would be like having sex with me. If you were 545 cananian 1.20 me, I mean. 546 cananian 1.20 \ab Huh? 547 cananian 1.20 \web Sorry, I just woke up. 548 cananian 1.20 \ab God, I'm sorry. 549 cananian 1.20 \web No, don't worry about it. 550 cananian 1.20 \ab All right, so\ldots as long as it's weird\ldots can I ask you a 551 cananian 1.20 weird question? 552 cananian 1.20 \web Go for it. 553 cananian 1.20 \ab Have you ever just wanted to stick your \textit{dick} into something? 554 cananian 1.20 \web You have a dick? 555 cananian 1.20 \ab No. That's the problem. 556 cananian 1.20 \web Have you thought about strap-ons? 557 cananian 1.20 \ab Strap-ons? 558 cananian 1.20 \web Yeah. A lots of guys are into that these days. 559 cananian 1.20 \ab \inlinesd{Thoughtfully:} Really? \inlinesd{Hopefully:} You think? 560 cananian 1.20 \web Trust me, I know. 561 cananian 1.20 \ab How can you tell? 562 cananian 1.20 \web You just have to ask. 563 cananian 1.20 \ab See. I couldn't do that. 564 cananian 1.21 \web Sure you can. ``Communication's the key to a good sex life.'' 565 cananian 1.20 \ab Um. Okay. But I don't think I know anyone\ldots 566 cananian 1.20 \web Oh, you never know. There's a lot on the inside people don't 567 cananian 1.20 show. 568 cananian 1.20 \ab Actually. That's something else I'm worried about. 569 cananian 1.20 \web What is? 570 cananian 1.20 \ab Have you seen \Cs\ recently? 571 cananian 1.20 \web Not since a few days ago. Why? 572 cananian 1.20 \ab There's something going on. With him. It's strange. I don't 573 cananian 1.20 know what it is. But I'm worried about him. It \textit{is} showing. 574 cananian 1.20 \web What, \Cs's neurosis? 575 cananian 1.20 \ab No. It's worse than that. Overnight---he became so different? 576 cananian 1.20 \web Well, you know what he says\ldots 577 cananian 1.20 \item[\AB and \WEB:] \inlinesd{In unison:} Identity is a mutable construct. 578 cananian 1.20 \ab You think that's all it is? 579 cananian 1.20 \web That and spring. He'll be fine. 580 cananian 1.20 \ab I'm not sure. 581 cananian 1.20 \web Trust me. \inlinesd{Looking at \CB. Pleasantly:} Good night? 582 cananian 1.20 \ab Good night. \inlinesd{Beat. Quickly:} Thanks. \inlinesd{Beat.} 583 cananian 1.20 Good night. 584 cananian 1.20 \stagedir{\AB hangs up. \WEB puts the phone down and snuggles back 585 cananian 1.20 into bed. She inadvertently wakes \CB.} 586 cananian 1.7 587 cananian 1.14 \cb \inlinesd{Starts to roll over, but finds himself still handcuffed 588 cananian 1.14 to the bed; \WEB notices and grabs the key off the nightstand to free 589 cananian 1.14 him. It is apparent that he's ``waking up beside 590 cananian 1.14 her,'' so to speak; we guess from his shirtless chest that he's quite 591 cananian 1.21 naked under the blankets. Sleepily:} Who was that? 592 cananian 1.23 \web My friend \Ab, from that play I was in that year. 593 cananian 1.19 \cb \Ab\ on skates? 594 cananian 1.14 \web Yeah, that's her. 595 cananian 1.14 \cb I know her. 596 cananian 1.14 \web Yeah? 597 cananian 1.16 \cb We met at a club a few months ago. Had some fun. \inlinesd{Smiles.} 598 cananian 1.16 \web \inlinesd{Undisturbed.} Yeah, she's a fun girl. 599 cananian 1.23 \cb So\ldots can I ask you a strange question? 600 cananian 1.15 \web Sure. 601 cananian 1.16 \cb Well, I've really enjoyed getting to know you, but there's 602 cananian 1.14 something that's been weirding me out a little. 603 cananian 1.15 \web \inlinesd{Concern on her face though not in her voice:} 604 cananian 1.16 It's not that thing I do with my tongue, is it? 605 cananian 1.21 \cb \inlinesd{Quickly:} No, no, I love that thing\ldots I just think 606 cananian 1.21 you might be my first younger woman. That's all. 607 cananian 1.16 \web \inlinesd{Obviously relieved: this is not what she was expecting, 608 cananian 1.16 is not even something she considers a problem.} Well, when's 609 cananian 1.15 your birthday? 610 cananian 1.14 \cb June 1974. 611 cananian 1.14 \web And when do you think mine is? 612 cananian 1.15 \cb I don't know! That's the thing\ldots you've got a certain agelessness 613 cananian 1.15 to you. 614 cananian 1.14 \web Ok. 615 cananian 1.16 \cb \inlinesd{Cautiously.} I mean, you weren't born in the 80's or anything, 616 cananian 1.14 were you? 617 cananian 1.16 \web \inlinesd{With great mock indignance:} I was born on the right 618 cananian 1.23 side of the date line, thank you very much! \inlinesd{They both laugh.} 619 cananian 1.16 \cb \inlinesd{With great relief:} Hey, just checking, just checking! I 620 cananian 1.16 usually date women a lot older than I am, but I promised myself I'd 621 cananian 1.15 find someone closer to my own age this time. 622 cananian 1.16 \web Yeah, I usually date older people too. I know how that goes. 623 cananian 1.14 \cb So when is your birthday? 624 cananian 1.16 \web Um\ldots December 1979. \inlinesd{In response to the look on his 625 cananian 1.16 face:} December 31, 1979. 626 cananian 1.16 \cb \inlinesd{Half joking, half squirming:} ``I was born on the right 627 cananian 1.23 side of the date line''! 628 cananian 1.16 \web Hey, I got a few hours in, it counts! \inlinesd{She begins to 629 cananian 1.15 attack him, with pillows or tickling, director's choice; he 630 cananian 1.15 semi-reluctantly, then quite enthusiastically, responds in kind.} 631 cananian 1.21 \cb Aye, what am I going to do about you? 632 cananian 1.14 \web I bet that's not nearly as interesting as what you could do 633 cananian 1.14 \textit{to} me\ldots 634 cananian 1.15 \cb Indeed. \inlinesd{He rolls over towards her, and the two of them 635 cananian 1.24 begin doing \emph{something}, we're not sure what, under the covers; 636 cananian 1.16 giggling and other assorted sounds of joy can be heard\ldots} 637 cananian 1.7 638 cananian 1.22 \stagedir{\CS enters. His head is shaved. He's wearing radically 639 cananian 1.22 different clothes. All black; lots of leather. Some steel.} 640 cananian 1.7 641 cananian 1.7 % rolling introductions. 642 cananian 1.7 643 cananian 1.16 \cs \inlinesd{To no-one in particular:} 644 cananian 1.16 I brought rocks. \inlinesd{He is, indeed, carrying a shitload of 645 cananian 1.21 rocks. One drops. Thunk. He doesn't pick it up.} 646 cananian 1.15 \web \inlinesd{\WEB pops out from under the covers, apparently on top; 647 cananian 1.23 looks over at \CS.} \Cs. What are you doing here? 648 cananian 1.23 \inlinesd{\CS gestures to rocks with head. Grunts.} 649 cananian 1.21 I see. \inlinesd{Brightly:} Well. I suppose I should do 650 cananian 1.19 introductions, then! \inlinesd{Looking down at him.} \Cb, this is my friend 651 cananian 1.19 \Cs. \Cs, this is \Cb\ \inlinesd{She flips 652 cananian 1.19 the pair of them over, so that \CB is now on top and looking at \CS.} 653 cananian 1.15 \cb \inlinesd{Attention directed elsewhere.} 654 cananian 1.15 Ah. The crazy playwright. Nice to meet you. 655 cananian 1.21 \cs \inlinesd{Completely nonplussed.} Nice to meet you too. Oh, 656 cananian 1.21 I've got nipple piercings just like that. But with a chain. 657 cananian 1.15 \web \inlinesd{Rolling them over, so she is once again on top.} I've 658 cananian 1.15 told him all about you. 659 cananian 1.24 \cb \inlinesd{Rolls so that \emph{he} is again on top. Finally 660 cananian 1.15 looks at \CS. Briefly.} All good of course. \inlinesd{Smiles.} 661 cananian 1.15 \web \inlinesd{On top again.} Of course! So, what brings you by again? 662 cananian 1.15 \cs \inlinesd{Still not registering anything unusual.} 663 cananian 1.15 The rocks. They're for your fish. 664 cananian 1.15 \web Right. \inlinesd{Squeal. ``Ohhhh, right! Right there!''} 665 cananian 1.7 \cs There's a lot of rocks. Fish need places to hide. 666 cananian 1.21 \inlinesd{He dumps the rocks on the ground. Thunk.} 667 cananian 1.7 \cb \inlinesd{To \WEB.} Are the rocks supposed to mean something? 668 cananian 1.7 \cs No, they're just rocks. 669 cananian 1.7 \stagedir{\CS builds an elaborate altar on the floor. Rapt attention 670 cananian 1.7 from \WEB and \CB, except when they are otherwise\ldots distracted.} 671 cananian 1.7 \cs I forgot the matches. 672 cananian 1.7 \cb \inlinesd{From below.} Matches? 673 cananian 1.21 \cs Matches. \inlinesd{\CS leaves.} 674 cananian 1.7 % some web-cb dialogue here. Something like: 675 cananian 1.7 \cb That's a weird kid. 676 cananian 1.7 \web He writes plays. 677 cananian 1.15 \cb Riiiight. \inlinesd{They giggle.} 678 cananian 1.7 % more shit. 679 cananian 1.7 \stagedir{\CS returns. With a candle and matches.} 680 cananian 1.7 \web A candle now too?\onestar \inlinesd{Giggles at \CB.} Oooh, do that 681 cananian 1.7 again! 682 cananian 1.7 \cs No particular reason. 683 cananian 1.15 \stagedir{\CS lights the candle. Sits back on his haunches. Enjoys 684 cananian 1.15 his handiwork. At no point during any of this scene 685 cananian 1.15 does he look at \WEB and \CB. He scratches himself.} 686 cananian 1.7 \cs I brought driftwood, too. 687 cananian 1.7 \web For the fish? Whee! 688 cananian 1.7 \cs For the plecos. They need the cellulose. 689 cananian 1.7 \stagedir{\WEB starts ``plec-ing'' on \CB.\footnote{A ``pleco'' is a 690 cananian 1.23 pet name for the \textit{plecostomas commonus}, a South American 691 cananian 1.7 catfish which lives in rivers and has a flat bottom---not unlike a 692 cananian 1.7 halibut---with the addition of a sucker-mouth, which it uses to both 693 cananian 1.7 garner cellulose and attach itself to rocks to keep itself from 694 cananian 1.7 drifting downstream. In short, ``plec-ing'' is much like little bits 695 cananian 1.7 of sucking, with rapid lip movements. Come over to our places and 696 cananian 1.7 we'll show you.} 697 cananian 1.7 ``Plec, Plec, Plec, Plec\ldots''} 698 cananian 1.7 \cb Iguanas are fond of wood as well. They climb on it. 699 cananian 1.7 \web Oh, don't we all. Love to climb on it. \inlinesd{A playful look. 700 cananian 1.7 She mounts \CB.} 701 cananian 1.21 \cs Driftwood. 702 cananian 1.7 \stagedir{\CS leaves for the driftwood. Still not paying attention to 703 cananian 1.7 the interesting noises from the bed.} 704 cananian 1.7 % dialog here, or just sex. 705 cananian 1.15 \stagedir{\ldots just sex during this brief pause\ldots} 706 cananian 1.7 \cs \inlinesd{Re-entering.} Driftwood. 707 cananian 1.7 \stagedir{Upon not receiving a reply, \CS dances a tango with the 708 cananian 1.7 driftwood. \WEB and \CB hum a tango in unison. Then break into 709 cananian 1.7 (sexual) giggles.} 710 cananian 1.7 \web \inlinesd{To \CB.} Wanna take tango lessons sometime? The 711 cananian 1.7 vertical kind? 712 cananian 1.7 \cb Oooh. That could be fun. 713 cananian 1.7 \stagedir{\CS arranges two of the pieces of driftwood into a large 714 cananian 1.7 cross, then turns it upside down, and leaves.} 715 cananian 1.7 \stagedir{Blackout.} 716 cananian 1.4 717 cananian 1.18 \scene{Scene VIII} 718 cananian 1.10 % cscott thinks another scene here. the abby/celloboy scene 719 cananian 1.21 \stagedir{An outdoor cafe. Later. It's morning. \AB and \CB are eating 720 cananian 1.18 bagels. Cinnamon-raisin bagels.} 721 cananian 1.18 \ab I've got a crush on you. 722 cananian 1.18 \cb \inlinesd{Sincerely:} I'm flattered. 723 cananian 1.18 \ab You don't think that makes things weird? 724 cananian 1.18 \cb Not at all. You know I want us to stay friends, even though 725 cananian 1.18 we--- 726 cananian 1.18 \ab \inlinesd{Quickly, cutting him off:} Whatever. 727 cananian 1.21 \cb \inlinesd{Taking the hint, laughing to himself:} Yeah. We had fun. 728 cananian 1.19 \ab Yeah, so I had the oddest time with \Cs\ the other day. 729 cananian 1.18 \cb That playwright kid. 730 cananian 1.18 \ab Yeah. 731 cananian 1.18 \cb Me, too. He's a weird one. 732 cananian 1.18 \ab The thing is\ldots I really like him\ldots 733 cananian 1.18 \cb But? 734 cananian 1.18 \ab I was\ldots kinda rude. 735 cananian 1.18 \cb Ehh, he'll deal. 736 cananian 1.18 \ab He's shaved his head. 737 cananian 1.18 \cb Ooh, that bad. 738 cananian 1.18 \ab And he got his nipples pierced. 739 cananian 1.18 \cb So he mentioned. 740 cananian 1.18 \ab \inlinesd{Double-takes, then continues:} I'm very confused. 741 cananian 1.18 \cb Well, you have to know who you are to know what you want, \Ab. 742 cananian 1.18 \ab You might have a point. I think that's it. \inlinesd{Beat} 743 cananian 1.18 I really don't want a relationship right now. 744 cananian 1.18 \cb Really don't want? 745 cananian 1.23 \ab All right, fine. I'm frightened. Just a little bit. And I don't 746 cananian 1.18 think it could work. 747 cananian 1.18 \cb Well he sounds like he likes you. 748 cananian 1.18 \ab And I'm writing a play about \textit{him}. 749 cananian 1.18 \cb \inlinesd{Encouragingly:} That's cool. The world needs more 750 cananian 1.18 writers. 751 cananian 1.18 \ab It's really weird talking to you about this. 752 cananian 1.18 \cb \inlinesd{Knowingly:} So can I ask\ldots is it really me you have 753 cananian 1.18 the crush on? 754 cananian 1.18 \ab I\ldots I don't know. 755 cananian 1.18 \cb \inlinesd{Teasing gently:} You never wrote a play about 756 cananian 1.18 \textit{me}. 757 cananian 1.18 \ab That's different. He's like\ldots my \textit{muse}. He makes me 758 cananian 1.18 write. 759 cananian 1.18 \cb \inlinesd{Sincerely:} That's great. 760 cananian 1.18 \ab But sometimes I get so nervous about showing him things. I'll 761 cananian 1.18 \textit{never} be as good as him. 762 cananian 1.18 \cb Is that really what you're worried about? 763 cananian 1.18 \ab \inlinesd{Pause.} No\ldots no, it's not. Why is it you're always 764 cananian 1.18 right, \Cb? You read me like a book! 765 cananian 1.18 \cb Hey, what are friends for? 766 cananian 1.19 \stagedir{\AB smiles weakly. \CB gives her a hug.} 767 cananian 1.18 \ab I think I really like him. 768 cananian 1.18 \stagedir{Black out.} 769 cananian 1.9 770 cananian 1.18 \scene{Scene IX} 771 cananian 1.9 % end of play 772 cananian 1.21 \stagedir{\CS and \WEB are at the same outdoor cafe. It's a beautiful 773 cananian 1.9 spring day. There is a vase of flowers and many many water glasses 774 cananian 1.21 and coffee cups on the table. They've been there a while.} 775 cananian 1.9 776 cananian 1.18 \web \inlinesd{Knowingly, expectingly, but growing tired of this game:} 777 cananian 1.18 So, let me guess: you've got a crush on me. 778 cananian 1.18 \cs No, that's not what I was going to say. 779 cananian 1.18 \web No? 780 cananian 1.23 \cs I \textit{do} have a crush on you. 781 cananian 1.18 \web Yes, but it's not giggly, it's not flowers, it's not even a 782 cananian 1.18 sexual fantasy. Is there something \textit{else} you wanted to tell 783 cananian 1.18 me? 784 cananian 1.18 \cs What I find really attractive about you. 785 cananian 1.18 \web I thought you weren't going to tell me. 786 cananian 1.18 \cs Maybe I won't. 787 cananian 1.18 \web You said I wouldn't like it. 788 cananian 1.18 \cs You won't. 789 cananian 1.18 \web Well, what is it? 790 cananian 1.18 \cs \inlinesd{Beat.} I'm really into that handcuff thing. 791 cananian 1.18 \web \inlinesd{Exasperated:} No you're not. 792 cananian 1.19 \cs That thing you were doing with \Cb\ last night. That looked like 793 cananian 1.18 fun. 794 cananian 1.18 \web \textit{You} play the cello now, too? 795 cananian 1.18 \cs No, no, the other thing. 796 cananian 1.18 \web \inlinesd{With a raised eyebrow:} I think you need to know the 797 cananian 1.18 clitoris from the epiglottis before you can do that. 798 cananian 1.18 \cs I told you that story? 799 cananian 1.18 \web Yup. 800 cananian 1.19 \stagedir{A long silence. \Web\ watches \Cs\ squirm.} 801 cananian 1.18 \cs What I really like about you. 802 cananian 1.18 \web What you really like about me. 803 cananian 1.18 \stagedir{Beat.} 804 cananian 1.18 \cs You're like the earth. And I'm like some weather satellite or 805 cananian 1.18 something, mapping\ldots always looking straight down. So I can see 806 cananian 1.18 what I'm over but not what's ahead. And there's water, volcanos, and 807 cananian 1.18 mountains, and\ldots all kinds of shit. 808 cananian 1.18 \web \inlinesd{Doubtfully:} Okaaay. 809 cananian 1.18 \cs Maybe I should try this again. It's like I'm flying over America 810 cananian 1.18 from west to east. Right? Calm water---pacific---then suddenly: 811 cananian 1.19 Volcanos! Mountains! Then thousands of miles of plains\ldots 812 cananian 1.18 \web \inlinesd{Uncomfortable:} Um, take three? 813 cananian 1.18 \cs I. I like your vulnerable side. 814 cananian 1.23 \web \inlinesd{Off-guard, not noticing the irony:} What vulnerable 815 cananian 1.18 side? 816 cananian 1.21 \cs Told you you wouldn't like it. It's like honey and flies with me---zip! 817 cananian 1.18 \web Right. 818 cananian 1.18 \cs \inlinesd{Buying time:} Isn't the flies analogy pretty? 819 cananian 1.18 \web \inlinesd{Not letting him off the hook:} If you say so. 820 cananian 1.21 \cs \inlinesd{Takes a deep breath.} 821 cananian 1.21 When I first met you, I thought, ``\"Uber-cool chick. Not my 822 cananian 1.18 type,'' and wrote you off. But we started hanging out, and you 823 cananian 1.18 mentioned that you saved all your letters---even answering machine 824 cananian 1.18 messages---like an archive for a biographer someday. Which was really 825 cananian 1.18 honest---surprising---such a silly thing to do, so incredibly vain. 826 cananian 1.18 \web You do it, too. 827 cananian 1.18 \cs Yeah, yeah, but you didn't know that at the time. It's ridiculous 828 cananian 1.18 what we do--- 829 cananian 1.18 \web One of many ridiculous things we do\ldots 830 cananian 1.18 \cs ---but it's the first time---that I can remember at least---that I 831 cananian 1.18 saw a glimpse of you that wasn't cool, that wasn't collected and 832 cananian 1.18 calculated. A little foolish. 833 cananian 1.18 \web And you found it endearing. 834 cananian 1.18 \cs That sounds condescending. I\ldots it was real. It was human. I 835 cananian 1.18 liked it. A lot. 836 cananian 1.18 \web \inlinesd{Blushing.} Er. Okay. 837 cananian 1.18 \cs And that moment in the restaurant\ldots 838 cananian 1.18 \web Here we go again\ldots 839 cananian 1.18 \cs We were out to eat and I let slip some asshole comment about your 840 cananian 1.18 recent ex-boyfriend and that chick he was schtupping. You said, 841 cananian 1.18 ``fuck you,'' meant it as a brush-off, but it came out with a quiver 842 cananian 1.18 at the end. Not one you could control. You beat a hasty retreat to 843 cananian 1.18 the ladies room, collected yourself, came back eventually with a quip 844 cananian 1.21 about the whole thing, all ready. 845 cananian 1.18 \web I dealt with it. 846 cananian 1.18 \cs You've got sensitive friends. We weren't fooled. 847 cananian 1.18 \web I wasn't pretending. 848 cananian 1.18 \cs You had a painted-on smile---I saw a little bird with its feathers 849 cananian 1.21 all fluffed out, trying to convince the hawk that it really was a very 850 cananian 1.18 large bird. 851 cananian 1.18 \web \ldots 852 cananian 1.23 \cs It took coj\'ones, but the fear was still there, way back in those 853 cananian 1.18 bird's eyes. Your neck was ever-so-slightly trembling, like that 854 cananian 1.21 little bird's. 855 cananian 1.18 \web \inlinesd{Weakly:} So I can add my neck to the bits of me you 856 cananian 1.18 like? 857 cananian 1.18 \cs I\ldots wanted to hug you. Or something. But it would have 858 cananian 1.18 ruined your show. 859 cananian 1.21 \web It'd be a lot easier if you'd just say you wanted to get into my 860 cananian 1.18 pants. 861 cananian 1.18 \cs But it's \textit{not} your pants, it's your\ldots your soul, 862 cananian 1.18 your\ldots 863 cananian 1.18 \web \inlinesd{Sighs, dropping guard a bit:} \Cs, what's \textit{with} 864 cananian 1.18 you lately. You're acting like even more of a psycho than usual 865 cananian 1.18 today. You meet a ghost or something? 866 cananian 1.21 \cs \inlinesd{Beat.} Worse. 867 cananian 1.18 \web Worse? 868 cananian 1.18 \cs I screwed \Ca. 869 cananian 1.18 \web Wow. You're really dumb, aren't you? 870 cananian 1.18 \inlinesd{Semi-apologetically:} And that's why you're acting all 871 cananian 1.17 fucked up. 872 cananian 1.18 \cs Because I've been fucked. 873 cananian 1.17 \web \inlinesd{Creeping away from the real subject:} Well, technically you did the fucking\ldots although, some feminists 874 cananian 1.10 back in the 70's tried to change the term ``penetration'' to ``engulfment''\ldots 875 cananian 1.18 \cs Yeah. Whatever. It was oral sex. 876 cananian 1.18 \web I guess that does explain it. \inlinesd{Studys the shaved head, 877 cananian 1.18 then glancing at the nipples and chain thru his shirt.} It is quite 878 cananian 1.13 the\ldots personal renaissance you've gone through. 879 cananian 1.13 \cs It's a cleansing ritual. Besides, identity is a mutable 880 cananian 1.13 construct. 881 cananian 1.13 \web I know, I know, you keep saying. 882 cananian 1.14 \cs So what about you? 883 cananian 1.14 \web What do you mean? 884 cananian 1.18 \cs I woke up this morning and realized I'd had a 885 cananian 1.14 \textit{conversation} with you while you were having \textit{sex}. 886 cananian 1.14 \web And? 887 cananian 1.18 \cs \inlinesd{Beat.} I'm really sorry for walking in like that. 888 cananian 1.16 \web Hey, don't worry about it---didn't stop us \inlinesd{grins} 889 cananian 1.21 \cs Yeah, I know\ldots look, I was really out of it. The whole \Ca\ thing\ldots 890 cananian 1.18 \web \inlinesd{A joke:} You just had to stick your dick into something, huh. 891 cananian 1.18 \cs \inlinesd{Throwing a wet napkin off the table at her:} Oh, shut up. 892 cananian 1.9 \web \inlinesd{Crooning.} Poor, poor, you. 893 cananian 1.9 \cs Oh, come on. 894 cananian 1.9 \web \inlinesd{Innocently.} What? 895 cananian 1.9 \cs Don't do that. 896 cananian 1.9 \web Do what? 897 cananian 1.9 \cs You know exactly what. 898 cananian 1.17 \stagedir{\AB walks by, upstage, unseen. Sees \WEB and \CS and stops.} 899 cananian 1.9 \web Oh, this? \inlinesd{She leans over the table and kisses him full 900 cananian 1.9 on the lips.} 901 cananian 1.9 \stagedir{The kiss is (for \CS) unexpectedly passionate. \CS goes 902 cananian 1.9 through his initial shock and surprise quickly, to a well-feigned 903 cananian 1.9 closed-mouth indifference. \CA's done this sort of thing too often 904 cananian 1.9 for him to be unversed in the lop-sided kiss. But then his mouth 905 cananian 1.9 opens up---he'll never be sure how much of the action was conscious. 906 cananian 1.9 \WEB and \CS go at it like a pleco on a mirror. \CS's hand drops to 907 cananian 1.18 the table for support as they stand; the flower vase on the table 908 cananian 1.24 crashes to the ground. This \emph{really} turns \CS on, and he gets 909 cananian 1.18 even more into it, \WEB goading him on.} 910 cananian 1.9 911 cananian 1.9 \stagedir{\AB leaves at this point.} 912 cananian 1.9 913 cananian 1.9 \stagedir{A long standing kiss\ldots then suddenly \CS double-takes 914 cananian 1.10 and breaks off. His faces lingers inches from hers for a moment as a 915 cananian 1.9 smile creases her face, then he steps back and she sits down 916 cananian 1.18 casually, grinning evilly, as if to say with mock surprise, ``Oh, you 917 cananian 1.24 \emph{weren't} enjoying that?'' She licks her lips.} 918 cananian 1.9 919 cananian 1.9 \cs \inlinesd{Still standing.} That didn't mean \textit{anything}, 920 cananian 1.9 did it. 921 cananian 1.9 \stagedir{\WEB raises an eyebrow, and continues grinning.} 922 cananian 1.9 \stagedir{\CS sits.} 923 cananian 1.9 \cs \inlinesd{Verbal eye-roll:} Bitch. 924 cananian 1.9 \stagedir{\WEB laughs with obvious enjoyment.} 925 cananian 1.9 \stagedir{Black out.} 926 cananian 1.9 \stagedir{End of play.} 927 cananian 1.1 928 cananian 1.1 \end{enumerate} 929 cananian 1.1 930 cananian 1.1 \end{document}