uneasy knotted up tense unhappy uneasy raging angry
frustrated.
girlfriend distracted not paying attention
pins and needles
when i need a couch
pillow
something soft.

i'm all glass and edges
fractured
sharpnesses
that need to be cradled in
something soft.

but i cut and saw
and jag and poke
and nothing soft
wants me near

blur energy push shove
get away change
fly fly fly
elbows in motion
jostle push
things just aren't right
shrug struggle stretch leap
get me away
get things away
leave me alone

i want to lie down
wrapped up
in comfort.

why can i not find
a comforter.

i'm looking for a place
where things are just better.
where i can be
and things are just better.
where i can rest awhile
and things are fine
everything is A O
K.

a place to relax
recharge
wipe clean
find strength
to continue struggling
in the hard world.

my soft world
the one i need
does not exist.

so bang push hit fight yell scream
everyone deserves to bleed
kick gouge punch 
stretch muscles
hurt myself
take a few with me
shrill shriek from the back of my skull
keening crying
trying to let go
trying to push it away
trying to get it out

but it holds my heart
and talon squeezes.
   -CSA 31 March 1999, 3:15am