TRY HARDER
  or
   NOT AT ALL
     what's the choice I make?

When love breaks
   (down to strained friendship)
      is this the
        time for
          flowers?
To plan the
   secret getaway
     make the sacrifices
       call the
          pricey
            restaurant?
Should I woo her back
   and could I (if I tried)?

Or is
   the trying the thing
     too much striving
       too much work
         the natural portent
           clear.
When air pressure drops, do you
  plead for sun?
    or batten down for rain?

She calls and
   invites me over
     (at 3 a.m.)
       do I
         forestall the inevitable
           or stop
             trying?
I declined the invitation
  (should I have?)
    it's easier to
       stop caring so much,
         what did I expect
           if I'd
             followed her home
               (puppy-dog
                  tail-between-my-legs)
That she'd
  really look at me?
    that she'd
      take me seriously
        talk with me
          earnestly
            us pulling free of
              our entanglements?
That she'd
   kiss me deeply
     look in my eyes
       that I'd
         remember exactly how she
           caught my heart
             that she'd
               see again the boy who
                 stole hers?
I wanted
  rejuvenation
    to be young in our love
      together again.

But she'd
   drop off to sleep
     (it is after all
        after three) and I'd
          lay there beside her
            wishing and
              aching again.
In the morning she'd
  want coffee
    (no, not cuddling why
       do you always think that
         get off of me
           let me up)
I've
  played this game
    so long
      and
        said so little
          (my fault here)
             about it.
Can't I
  finally
    tire of it?
      It's so easy not to try.
But ---
  I don't want it to end
    don't want to admit
      my wish may never more come
        true
don't want to admit
  that my trying
    had been useless
      in the end
        that
          one shouldn't believe in sunny days, that
            it's better just
              to gird for rain.

                                               -- CSA, 05-may-2002.  3:43am.