She calls
  at 3 a.m.
    "will you
       come home with me?"
So
  quiet
     childlike
       even?
She sounds sober
  "Wh-
     Wh-
        Where have you been?
Why're you calling me now?"

She's been
   out with the boys.
I'm not
   invited to these bars
I'm not
   her drinking-places
      boyfriend.
Never have
      been.

That's it!
  "It's over," I
     do not say
Can not bring myself to say
  at 3 a.m.
    to an
      inebriated
        lover.
Former lover?
  It is not much
    loving
      we've done
        recently.
A movie, today, all
  sharp silences
    quiet words
      I brought her
        a flower
         the last one
           maybe.
A lunch date, prior
  (more flowers) I
   twisted her
    arm to attend.
Travelled an
  hour to
    eat with her
      look at her
        she
          somehow
            was not there.
She sat across the table and we
  talked
    politely
      I ate
        ravenously
          she
            watched her
              watch.
What
  at work
    had been so
      pressing
         that I had to
            drag her
               away from?
What would she
  rather be
    doing?

I travelled back
  an hour
    three hours of my life
      spent
        finding out
          she didn't
            miss me
              at all.

Before that, a
  fancy dress ball my
    fancy dress clothes did
      not catch her
        attention.
I just can't seem to
   catch
     her
       attention.

And,
  at 3 a.m.
    the words for doing so
      are not at hand.

"I
   just woke up
      I was
         thinking of you."
(Thinking whether
   I should
      *keep trying*
         this dance with you,
            I did not say.)
"I think
   we
     need some time apart
       call me tomorrow,"
         and no more was said.

Click.
    Hum.
       Was that
          relief
            I heard
              in the dialtone?
Or did the girl I loved
   feel
     nothing special at all?
                                              -- CSA, 05-may-2002. 3am.